Happy Birthday, Donnie!

Today this guy would be 45! Donnie, ya old fart you! He was the most hilarious guy and bestest uncle on the planet! He was also a FABULOUS Daddy to his two kiddos! He was the biggest prankster and always pullin' some crazy joke on someone. He made us all laugh till it hurt! Even with all the brain surgeries and all that goes with them, he made the doctors and nurses laugh. He still played jokes. The bestest part - He chose to see Jesus in and through it all.... and was such a witness for the kingdom. What a truly amazing guy. No doubt the angels are laughin' hysterically today, Donnie. Hope you are having a wonderful day with grandpa. I miss you guys and love you much!

a fresh, new year

Happy New Year! Last year when I began this crazy online journal of sorts I felt it was going to be a year of big changes. It certainly was! Most of them took place in my own skin... I was stretched and grew in many areas...

So what lies ahead of 2011? While I do not yet have any details, I trust God will stretch me and grow me again this year. I pray to have a heart willing to step out of my usual routine and habits and follow hard after God in obedience - wherever that leads me. I want to have faith like Abraham...picking up and heading out even when I don't know where we're going...fully placing my confidence in my God. I know I will undoubtedly find myself in the desert at times (perhaps both literally and figuratively speaking) and will have to put one foot in front of the other and choose to see the circumstances of life through God instead of through me. I will also have times where we stand on the mountaintop together - and rest, breathing easy as I take in the site.

Yes, as with any year, God has much in store for me. I pray to live a life of meaning - a life that has an eternal impact and to lay aside all the things that so easily distract me from what He's called me to do and be here on this side of heaven. I especially pray for deeper connectedness with the people God has so graciously brought into my life... namely my hubby and my kiddos. I want to leave a rich legacy of faith when I leave this world...

I have a good friend who had me thinkin' of one word to focus on this year... I didn't read her entire blog post yet, bc I have been thinkin' of that one word for me this year and didn't want her ideas and thoughts to sway me in any one direction. She's got an awesome heart and I know I could easily be swayed instead of taking time to ask God for my own word... :)


I think heritage is a mighty fine word to focus on this year... I have really been meaning to get into more study of the Old Testament for awhile ... I am also interested in digging into my own past a bit to see what I have mistakenly brought with me that really needs to be let go of. And I'd like to seek out more and more ways to build something of great worth and value that is worth leaving to our children... a family life rich in a heritage of faith.


Hope this New Year finds you counting your blessings and maybe finding your own special word to focus on!

Lisa

have you had a day recently

Where you just couldn't get it together - whatever "it" was...

I have been feeling so caught off guard by the emotions that rise up in my chest throughout my days. I can't even put my finger on whatever "it" is that keeps coming back.

Different things can push that button... where I just can't contain the tears that hide behind my eyes... a child spills milk on a freshly washed floor and I crumble... my husband gives word of another long trip... and something deep breaks... relationships already strained are even heavier this season... and it feels long and weary...

I'm sensing the "it" in my life... and I will never get "it" together... I need Jesus. He's the only one who can put it all together... the pieces that have come unglued and unraveled. He alone can pour strength into a lifeless bunch of bones and skin.

I am needing Him this Christmas and I won't find him under a tree or wrapped in paper. I will only find the One I need at a cross... I need to go and sit with him awhile... and am needing Him to also come find me...again. I need Him to whisper to my hard heart... I am stubborn and won't always run fast back to Him - I find that so strange, needing rich peace, but choosing to shoulder a burden on my own shoulders a while longer. Why? What good does that bring?

It brings nothing. I am nothing. Jesus, could you please come find me again? I am wanting to feel your arms around me. I realize you have never let me go, but I am too hard to feel much right now. I know you know that already. Ps 139 says so... I cling to those promises I have in my head and plead for warmth that comes only from your love to feel it in my heart... I need your rich, deep love to soften my hard exterior ... to ease my mind and soften my heart and to enable me to let it all go...open hands...open heart... open life... Let your life pour into mine. Oh, I am so much in need... Come find me, Jesus... bring life and healing and wisdom and peace... Oh what sweet, sweet gifts you bring at Christmas... what love you bring, King Jesus...

Ever Present Help

So my oldest turns 6 today! I am taken back by how quickly these seemingly long moments of each day quickly become such fleeting years. I honestly need to learn better how to embrace THIS MOMENT.

God is an ever present help. I read that constantly. I must admit that I don't know if that head knowledge reaches my heart often enough these days... Day that swirl about me as I nurse my 4 week old, change the diaper on my 19 month old, fix broken toys and bruised egos of the other three kiddos... and throw in a dash of laundry, cooking and pick-up.

Ever present help in time of need...

Why do I think God can only handle my Big Stuff sometimes? Do I really believe that He's unable to care for the small detail of my day? Of course I don't. I know He's big enough, but I don't live that trust out in my day to day all of the time. I try to tackle far too much on my own strength. It turns out upside down... Either I accomplish what I set out to do and I am overcome with much pride. Or I just plain ole fail.

Ever present help in time of need...

Today my sweet girl is 6! Lord, I want to full know and trust in every detail that you are BIG enough to handle everything in my day. I need to KNOW you are ever present and offering a hand in EVERY moment so I can live that out in faith each day... It's a gift I can daily give my kiddos... I want them to KNOW early on you alone are our ever present help... You fill up this house and make it a home. You take 7 VERY different people and bring us together to make it a family. We need you. We love you.

Lord, 6 years ago today I became someone's Mommy. I was forever changed the moment she was laid in my arms. Lord, I thank you for the many blessing you have entrusted to me. I am overwhelmed with how good you are to me and the favor you have bestowed on me, an unworthy traveler. Walk with me, Lord. Thank you for being the prefect help I need in every moment in every need... big or small...

Love you.

Being Intentional

With the birth of sweet AK, came the inevitable change in our family "routine" ... So while we are in the process of adjusting, I'm implementing "Messy Mondays with Mama" and "Family Fridays" ... I'm praying God's help with this every step of the way. I am a creature of habit and without his help, this will only remain an idea.

The Rules for Mondays: #1 Have fun! Enjoy the Moments!
#2 No cleaning (except the kitchen table and floor) during the day! That
stuff can wait till the evening - it's not going anywhere... These
moments sure are!
#3 Limit the distractions: no phone, computer, tv during the day.
#4 Have fun! Enjoy the Moments!!!

*** School on Mondays will change as well. We'll be doing messy craft projects, art, etc. on Messy Mondays. We'll continue to read, but the other subjects can wait. I have wee ones around and want to enjoy these sweet blessings that God has entrusted to my care... I am certain he will continue to bless their minds and such in the way of formal education as we're seeking to be even more intentional about creating a closer togetherness with each other and Him.

Family Fridays: This will consist of our regular school day and a.m. and p.m. chore packs (thank Mrs Duggar for that lovely idea) But in the afternoon we'll make our Friday pizzas together - and we'll even make our own cheese once in awhile! They love fresh Mozzarella! Friday nights are family night where we play games or watch a family movie with popcorn and end the night with family reading time all together! This will help set the tone for our weekends - to be conscious of taking the time to really seek the moments we can as a complete family... to enjoy each other and really get to know these sweet people we do daily life with!


Dear God,
I am so unworthy and in adequate to care for these 5 small sheep. They will surely follow where I am leading, Lord. So I pray that you enable me to follow you more closely. I can't do anything on my own. I pray you will place your hand of blessing on these small ideas for creating even more closeness in our family. You know me, Father, all too well. You know I crave order in our home.... and you also know that it distracts me from my kiddos at times. I don't choose "the better" often enough - time with you and time with them... So I am asking for you to help us grow closer as as family to you and to each other - - - using whatever means you need to do that.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Seriously?

I was with a good friend the other day and had a very surreal moment - the "how the heck did I get here?" moment of life.

Now, please don't misunderstand, I love my life. I feel tremendously blessed to have these 5 children and the life my hubby and I live with them each day. I will admit, that I have had more than a few moments lately where I throw my hands up and claim, "I give up. How did we get here?"

I feel entirely inadequate to parent and educate this handful of five tiny people. I know that God is strong where I am weak... and that he is glorified when I am made nothing. I am nothing. I can't do it all. I am only me. I have these people depending on me... and I am reminded that God wants me to depend on him the way they do on me.

I have children who aren't listening and obeying me and I am reminded how often I turn a deaf ear to my Father. Yet, my kiddos frustrate me with their unwillingness to obey. My Father is ever patient and loving toward me.

I have much to learn from my handful of tiny people... God is so good to teach me through them and in this journey of parenting.

I am nothing without him. I feel completely unworthy and incapable of the task at hand... and I wonder, "Seriously, why on earth did you bring me to this place?"

His answer is always bc I love you and want deeper relationship with you. Perhaps I needed yet another reminding of just how in-over-my-head I am with all these responsibilities that come with abundant blessing... and He was gracious enough to remind me.

Walk with me today, Jesus. I need to feel you close. I am a weary traveler on this journey and need you to carry me today. Amen.

Less than nothing

So I honestly forget that anyone else but me runs into this funny, little blog from time to time. I heard from one friend that another of our friends had to remind herself not to compare after reading one of my posts. That makes my heart sink.


So today, I just want to share how much I am so not "Super Mama" ... Ugh. Comparison. I am sooo guilty of it. It offers nothing good, but robs me of much.

That said, I want to admit something to you. This shouldn't come as any revelation...Truth be told, I have trouble just as much as the next mama does. I am a giant mess of a woman... Truly. I have days (like today) where breakfast isn't served until 9:15am and we don't get to anything remotely resembling school until later in the morning. Oh the days where everywhere I look there appears a pile of something that I "should be getting to" or a pile that hasn't been looked at in so long, I don't know why it exists. Oh, and if you could see the pile of laundry waiting to be folded in my room right this moment... I can no longer see the chair beneath its weight. Seriously, no Super Mama lives at this address. I can promise you this.

It's in these days, weeks, seasons or whatever you'll call them, that I remind myself of Charlotte Mason's quote on "Education being an atmosphere" and look to God to redeem my feeble attempts and failures. I ask for His wisdom to show me all the educational "nuggets" He has so graciously supplied me with each day... afterall, aren't these those things most worthy of sharing? His lessons?

And when I turn my heart and mind toward Him, I find my attitude changes and that I do have something to offer those around me - namely the kiddos. I have Him. When I take moments in my day to really ask Him to fill me, He offers Himself so that I may have something of value to pour out to those He has entrusted to me. Now, if only I would stop continually in my day to seek Him fully. I confess I have too many days where I am only a half-hearted follower - days where ask to be filled and then run away, consumed in the busyness of my day, not even allowing myself the time or attention that is needed to be filled...and let me tell you, it shows. You all may not see it, but believe me...this is just as much me as the parts that are revealed.

I can do nothing on my own but mess things up. I can do nothing of worth or value without God. Nada. I try though. How sad is that? I know I can do nothing of worth and value apart from God, but I am stubborn and prideful and I try. Honestly, those days are just down right ugly. I have an ugly heart and an even uglier attitude. I like to sit in on my own pity-party for all too many precious moments and literally decide not to use the gift of that day for Him. I can't say it enough, those are some UGLY days! My sinful self rages fully. I am short with my kids. I am exhausted before I begin anything and typically am so caught up in my own selfishness that I can't see past her for more than a brief moment. The day starts and ends with me and that is when I peek in the mirror at the end of that day and realize just how much I have wasted. That's when I am most often able to realize more clearly the astonishing amount of grace God has bestowed on me and I cling to the promise of a fresh start.... He makes ALL things NEW! What a promise!

I need Him. I am tryin' to grow more and more aware of how he's gifted me and how to best share those gifts with others - not to place us next to each other in comparison, but to sincerely offer help. I know I need the help of Christ through the hands of others. I need it. I would be lost without it. We need each other.

We need each other. We say it, but we don't often take each other up on it. I need you to teach me, dear sisters, through the gifts God has so richly bestowed on you. I don't have all the answers. I am not Super Mama... but I can be the very best God made me to be. I can use my gifts as fully as I am able and serve others with them. You can as well. I need you, Sister, I need you.

Let's work on building each other up... in setting aside comparison (I am SO guilty of comparing sometimes) and seek to find the good in others - to really set out to see the treasure that lies in each one of us, beyond these jars of clay...I so want only to appreciate the talents of my friends and family and see all people as the treasures God has created in them. Each person God has sent my direction is a treasure... and may there to help soften my rough edges, to call me out on a few things, or to bring their giftedness to help "round out" my little ones... Oh, girls, I need help. I need help from every direction God brings it. I am grateful for the beautiful people God has enriched my life with. I am awed by how richly he truly has blessed me in this life...

God be all the glory.

Oh, and to all my fellow mamas... please remember how beautiful you are... and just who it is you belong to - You are the daughter of the King of kings. Lift your head and your heart to Him today. He has made something spectacular in you and can't wait for you to share it with those He's placed in your path today.

hugs :)