Time...

Goodness.

The days flow into months so quickly.

Anyway, I was reading in a few places tonight... I have been really thinkin' on this holy season...

I keep going over and over the starkness of Christ's loving obedience to His Father in setting aside his own will - in giving up his life... it's purest beauty, that deep obedience and trust and love.

and as if that, stark example in obedience wasn't example enough...

He did it for me.

Purest love poured out freely and generously...it boggles my small, frail mind....breaking me to pieces.

What do I do with that?
I want to seek him in the quiet. I seek solitude ... how lovely and yet utterly painful silence can be. I begin to reflect on the last 4 days... I can sum it up easily.

I have been running...moving...going...

And thuogh the places the kids and I have gone have all been an outpouring of blessing from His hand, I realize, sadly, I have moved more into life on my terms, than life on His. How quickly this happens.... and I'm ashamed.

Wasn't I just reflecting on this holy season...Christ giving Himself so that He'd have time with me... so I might have chance to hear his sweet voice? If I'm honest, my life reveals I've been much too proud to pause for any great length... for the seeking of quiet to really here Him speaking. I have done study. I have prayed petitions...but have a sought out the one who wants so much to spend time with me that He spilled His blood for me? It makes my stomach churn.

Silence. I need to hear from Him. I can't live without Him. I try far too often. I chase after the wind and alas,

I have done too much talking.... to many petitions... to much me and not enough Him...I need silence. I need to hear His words to me...

So, know what I need to find? I need to find a cheap recipe book holder. I need to plant a bible smack in the middle of my kitchen counter. Yes, I need God-time in the morning. Yes, I need prayer and confession in the evening, but I am SO needing to hear Him speak to me all throughout the middle... and what better way that read it as I pass by the counter. I pass that space more times in a day than I dare count...He's standing open-armed waiting for me all day long. He can't wait to tell me all He has in store for me, moment by moment in this fantastic love story that's truly all about Him... and I am humbled to even play a part... He has purposed and fashioned yet another moment for me to walk on this earth... and for what? I can come up with my own reasons, but they don't matter in light of His eternal plan! So I need to ask Him outright to show me what each moment is to look like. What on earth is the point? He's the only one who knows! And we see only good coming from teh examples of obedience in the bible... if I'm not listening to Him speak, how can I know what He wants me to do? I can't be obedience when I can't hear His voice.

It will be good for me to talk less to Him about my petitions throughout the day, and focus more on what He's making me to be that moment. I am bigger when I am bent low and walking humbly. He is able to move in me and through me only when I stop being so rigid and stuck in my own prideful ways. Stuck to my own routine...

So these are my random thoughts for the evening. I want God speaking to me all day long...but I really seek to hear His voice and know what His plan is. I want to be obedient. I want to be intentional about seeking His Living Words to me throughout my day...

Thanks, Father, for being so patient. I truly love you.