a year of changes... a year of letting go

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars... You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
Author unknown.


Well, I said it was going to be a year of great changes. I never would believe they would involve the things and people they have...


Most surprising has been the truth of relationship revealed by the mirror of crisis.


It leaves me wondering what God has in store for me and for our family of six...

All around me the foundations of relationship shift and change like sand...revealing the truth of their facade ...
I'm so grateful to cling to the knowledge that God's truth stands firm... God is unchanging.

Things may never be the same from this point on. I'm finding it nearly impossible to believe they could...


May we follow God's plan for our lives come what may... and may my heart be at rest with the lasting impact of all that has transpired. It has never been within my reach to change or influence all that life has unfolded before me...especially within the last four weeks...

and so,

I must let go.


Letting go isn't always easy, especially if it's unexpected...


I can only trust God as He leads our family of six through these changes and may we fully greet this new life and embrace Him fully in this brand new beginning...

AWESOME BOOK! GET YOURS FREE!!!

I have been reading the book Radical for the last few nights. It's hands down one of the best books I have read in awhile. It's unlike many of the books on the market. Right now, you can click here, and get your own copy of the condensed version, The Radical Question, but I'd still run out and purchase this book as soon as you can find it on the shelves!

I'm planning to give it away as gifts this year. It's what we need as individuals, families, communities and as an entire nation. Be a part of what God is doing in and through this new book! You can also check out the book at http://www.radicalthebook.com/

Can't wait to here your comments on this book!

Lob

Well, the title of this blog is after the imaginary friends in my kiddos' lives... It was first set up to be about our home educating experiences so that family had a better idea of what this wacky world of ours looks like. It was also intended to catch some of these treasured moments that pass all too quickly...

That said:

On Friday morning I decided to take the kids and make a quick run to Target for a few groceries.

On the way Ainsley pipes up, " Hey Mom, I better give Lob a call. I haven't spoken to him in ages."

I answer from the front with a smile, "Yes, you should give him a call. Where is Lob these days?"
I am giddy with excitement as there has been little talk of Lob for a very long while. I was beginning to think that the days spent listening to the tales of their life together were all but memories.

Ainsley whips out her left hand a with right pointer begins to dial on her "cell phone". I hear her murmur, "10-3-6-1-2-4 ... Mom, it's ringing! I'm so excited! I hope he's home."

I wait with eager anticipation... with a smile plastered to my face as I drive.

Ainsley's conversation begins, "Lob, it's Ainsley. Goodness it's been awhile. How are you all doing?! Where are you living at these days? Last I heard you had moved from Michigan to Texas to get out of the cold and into some better weather....Oh really, wow! You're in Florida now...Oh, Orlando. Really?, Micky Mouse had an accident and you took a job to help the Disney Company out? That's sounds so remarkable...so amazing!"

Really, Lob moved from Michigan to Texas and I never heard a story about it? He's been in Michigan since we lived in Michigan. Hmmnnn, that's interesting. I can't wait for more....

"Sure, I can hold for awhile. You take care of that." she states.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure they all love it. Really, that's why you stayed in Florida? I bet all ten kids really love it there. Oh, I'm sure. You're such a wonderful dad to stay because they are all so happy there and love to swim so much. That's just so amazing of you. You are really the best dad and husband around."

Yes, Rosabella is good. I love that cat. She keeps me so much company. She seems very happy here in Oklahoma."

"Well, I really should go. We're out running a few errands to the grocery store, but I really just thought I should check in to see how you and the kids were doing. I love you guys so much and miss you like crazy. Okay, you too. Have a wonderful day! Bye!"

Then there is a long silence and she's staring out the car window. I ask if everything is okay with Lob and the family. She smiles hugest smiles...

"Mom, my husband is such a great guy! He had moved to Texas for some better weather, but Mickey had an accident and he felt led to go and help where he could. He packed up all the kids in the car and just moved to Florida. Can you even believe that? He really has a heart to help others out. He's a great guy."

She's chuckling to herself in sheer amazement of his goodness of heart. "Yeah, Mom, he stayed there even after the work was finished. I guess the kids really love it, so he decided to stay and make sure they were happiest. Isn't he just the greatest?"

I smile and respond, "Wow, he sure is amazing, Ainsley. That's a really big move to make with the kids. How is everyone doing? From the sound of it, they all seem to be really happy. How's Lob's job? Did you make any plans to meet up with him anytime soon?"

She sighs a long, drawn out sigh, "Mom, I can't see him. I live here in Oklahoma! Do you even know how far away Florida is? The kids are doing great - all ten of them. Lob's still working to help Mickey feel better and all that. He's doing really good. It was great to catch up with him again."

So then I ask, "Ainsley, did you tell him about Rosabella?" Knowing that sometimes Rosabella is her cat and sometimes it's her last daughter. Never quite sure how that all works...

She replies, "Yep. I told him the cat and I were doin' just fine. He was happy to hear."

She was happy as a lark....

and so was I... Maybe even more than she.

I started to think of the entire phone call and couldn't help but laugh to myself. Here was my sweet, tenderhearted daughter - a deadbeat mama. Ha! Seriously, she and Lob have been married ever since his name was first mentioned back when she was just a bit over age 2. She has almost always lived apart from him. He has always worked and cared for all ten kids (with the exception being when Rosabella is the baby.) I did ask how she ended up with the cat. She said that it was a gift for the baby, but Lob just had enough to handle with the kids, so he said she should take the cat. This, by the way, is what I say whenever anyone mentions we should get a pet around here... Anyway, I love the whole story... Someday soon, I will need to write all I can remember of our days spent with Lob. I fear, all too soon, he will really be only a memory in our lives... a special friend who has truly graced all of us with his presence. I'm certain Ainsley will be grateful to have these wonderful moments to read through. I'm betting I will be the one to cherish them even more.

Lob, friend and dear imaginary son-in-law, I am so glad to hear you are doing well. I pray you will stick around awhile longer...you brighten my days... just by being you.

Lord, thank you for each one of my special kiddos - and for their wonderful imaginary friends. I pray You would continue to develop, in Ainsley, a heart that seeks You passionately - with wild abandon... I pray You keep her tender for Your people and give her a servant's heart. I pray she will, like Lob, follow Your leading and drop everything to go if You ask that of her.... I pray Ainsley would remain faithful in every way to You, Lord, until You bring her real-life prince charming to her. Father, I pray he will be a man following hard after Your own heart. I pray she will find herself amazed by his tenderness and love beyond even her wildest imagination. I pray, even now, You are keeping him, my sweet son-in-law, in Your tender care.

Good Friday

It seems it always rains for at least a portion of the day on Good Friday. I think God knows I need that tangible reminder to really stop and think on all that Good Friday means for me... to give a hard pause and think...

This morning the temp dropped a whole lot when the rain started in. It began to pour and a chill came through the open windows of the house. We all ran to various windows to watch the rain pour from the sky and listen to the peels of thunder rolling across thick air...It seemed, in the quietness of the countryside, that the earth was literally sobbing for Christ's return.

I was lost in my thoughts at the window pane. All I could think of was how glad I am that I know Good Friday is for me. Good Friday is my rescue day... When He came and conquered all for me... and for every other believer in Him. I stand awed that He would willingly die for such an unlovable wretch as me... I stood at that window watching the rain pour so hard that it began to make large holes in the softened earth. I thought, without Good Friday, I would be weeping like that for all eternity.

Thank You, God, for Good Friday. How could any amount of "thank you's" be enough? Wow.

Well, the sun came out this afternoon and we all went outdoors to ride bikes and plant some garden plants in some pots. It was so beautiful - God peeled back the darkness and rain and revealed His warmth and light. So like Him. It reminded me of Easter.

Thank you, God for the daily reminders of who you are and exactly what you did for me. Forgive me when I do life more for me than for you. I don't want to be a lukewarm believer... like the author of Crazy Love writes, and I'm paraphrasing now, being a lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron. It really can't exist... It was an interesting point. So really, where does that put me? Only God can fully answer that - even better than I can for my heart is deceptive even now. Lord, how is it that you can see me as lovely? Oh, how I want to want you more than the air that I breathe... and not just some of the time... I want it always. I don't care if others think I'm crazy. I want to be sold out for you. I want to be tuned in to your Spirit. I know that those who can easily hear your voice know your Word... I want to go deeper with you Lord. Not only in this Easter season, but in every season.

Thank you for being the amazing God you are... and for loving such an unlovable girl as me.

Time...

Goodness.

The days flow into months so quickly.

Anyway, I was reading in a few places tonight... I have been really thinkin' on this holy season...

I keep going over and over the starkness of Christ's loving obedience to His Father in setting aside his own will - in giving up his life... it's purest beauty, that deep obedience and trust and love.

and as if that, stark example in obedience wasn't example enough...

He did it for me.

Purest love poured out freely and generously...it boggles my small, frail mind....breaking me to pieces.

What do I do with that?
I want to seek him in the quiet. I seek solitude ... how lovely and yet utterly painful silence can be. I begin to reflect on the last 4 days... I can sum it up easily.

I have been running...moving...going...

And thuogh the places the kids and I have gone have all been an outpouring of blessing from His hand, I realize, sadly, I have moved more into life on my terms, than life on His. How quickly this happens.... and I'm ashamed.

Wasn't I just reflecting on this holy season...Christ giving Himself so that He'd have time with me... so I might have chance to hear his sweet voice? If I'm honest, my life reveals I've been much too proud to pause for any great length... for the seeking of quiet to really here Him speaking. I have done study. I have prayed petitions...but have a sought out the one who wants so much to spend time with me that He spilled His blood for me? It makes my stomach churn.

Silence. I need to hear from Him. I can't live without Him. I try far too often. I chase after the wind and alas,

I have done too much talking.... to many petitions... to much me and not enough Him...I need silence. I need to hear His words to me...

So, know what I need to find? I need to find a cheap recipe book holder. I need to plant a bible smack in the middle of my kitchen counter. Yes, I need God-time in the morning. Yes, I need prayer and confession in the evening, but I am SO needing to hear Him speak to me all throughout the middle... and what better way that read it as I pass by the counter. I pass that space more times in a day than I dare count...He's standing open-armed waiting for me all day long. He can't wait to tell me all He has in store for me, moment by moment in this fantastic love story that's truly all about Him... and I am humbled to even play a part... He has purposed and fashioned yet another moment for me to walk on this earth... and for what? I can come up with my own reasons, but they don't matter in light of His eternal plan! So I need to ask Him outright to show me what each moment is to look like. What on earth is the point? He's the only one who knows! And we see only good coming from teh examples of obedience in the bible... if I'm not listening to Him speak, how can I know what He wants me to do? I can't be obedience when I can't hear His voice.

It will be good for me to talk less to Him about my petitions throughout the day, and focus more on what He's making me to be that moment. I am bigger when I am bent low and walking humbly. He is able to move in me and through me only when I stop being so rigid and stuck in my own prideful ways. Stuck to my own routine...

So these are my random thoughts for the evening. I want God speaking to me all day long...but I really seek to hear His voice and know what His plan is. I want to be obedient. I want to be intentional about seeking His Living Words to me throughout my day...

Thanks, Father, for being so patient. I truly love you.

Be who you were made to be...

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14



Wouldn't it be nice if each of us consistently remembered we're one-of-a-kind, hand-crafted works of art? If only we'd choose to live lives filled with deep authenticity, being in full agreement with Him that we are truly an inside-out kind of wonderful.

I Love You Too!

I have had a very busy two weeks with the kids. I appreciate my hubby so much, but even moreso do I notice the million and one reasons why I am so blessed to have him by my side each day. I am so missing the companionship we share. I love my man! When he's gone for an extended length of time, I really don't have much time on the computer at all, but since it's been so long I needed to stop in and say hello.

I was at my women's study on Revelation this past Thursday. And we were all chatting about the many ways God revealed himself to us this week. I realized just how great of an adjustment I need in my own thinking...

So many in history believed that experiencing any sort of revelation from God meant certain death. We all know, in our human, sinful state, we are unable to withstand God's glory. People throughout history wanted to know God as deeply as they possibly could, this side of heaven, that they made it up in their minds to ask for his revelation even knowing they would die. It was WORTH it to them! How foolish I can be, asking him for a fresh revelation as if he's going to pop out from behind a bush! May I grow in the fear of the Lord more and more as I come before Him, seeking to know more of who He really is and not what I have come to think him to be. There will always be a HUGE difference in that, bc I have a very small mind, but I pray I am open to new ideas and changing beliefs about God and His world and His world to come.

And the other thing someone shared was this:

We are often so quick to tell God how much we love Him, but really our response should be,

"I LOVE YOU TOO!"

because He first loved us...

puts things into a really great perspective, doesn't it?


It was taken from Beth Moore's Wednesday night message.