have you had a day recently

Where you just couldn't get it together - whatever "it" was...

I have been feeling so caught off guard by the emotions that rise up in my chest throughout my days. I can't even put my finger on whatever "it" is that keeps coming back.

Different things can push that button... where I just can't contain the tears that hide behind my eyes... a child spills milk on a freshly washed floor and I crumble... my husband gives word of another long trip... and something deep breaks... relationships already strained are even heavier this season... and it feels long and weary...

I'm sensing the "it" in my life... and I will never get "it" together... I need Jesus. He's the only one who can put it all together... the pieces that have come unglued and unraveled. He alone can pour strength into a lifeless bunch of bones and skin.

I am needing Him this Christmas and I won't find him under a tree or wrapped in paper. I will only find the One I need at a cross... I need to go and sit with him awhile... and am needing Him to also come find me...again. I need Him to whisper to my hard heart... I am stubborn and won't always run fast back to Him - I find that so strange, needing rich peace, but choosing to shoulder a burden on my own shoulders a while longer. Why? What good does that bring?

It brings nothing. I am nothing. Jesus, could you please come find me again? I am wanting to feel your arms around me. I realize you have never let me go, but I am too hard to feel much right now. I know you know that already. Ps 139 says so... I cling to those promises I have in my head and plead for warmth that comes only from your love to feel it in my heart... I need your rich, deep love to soften my hard exterior ... to ease my mind and soften my heart and to enable me to let it all go...open hands...open heart... open life... Let your life pour into mine. Oh, I am so much in need... Come find me, Jesus... bring life and healing and wisdom and peace... Oh what sweet, sweet gifts you bring at Christmas... what love you bring, King Jesus...